I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
