Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
