I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
