Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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