i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Randomize
