now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
