Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
