u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
