it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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