Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
