Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
