My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
