Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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