gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
