people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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