Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
