can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
