remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My feet surprised me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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