One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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