They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
