Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
