question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
