forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
