I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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