when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
