He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
