Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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