Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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