I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
