I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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