handjob tips. give me some.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
