You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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