i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
