Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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