I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
