using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want nice things and good sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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