All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
