maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
