It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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