She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
