that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
