My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
