The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
