Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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