How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
