i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
