the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
