i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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