wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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