Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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