why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
