probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
