Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
