do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
