We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
