Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
