If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
