mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
