are you still at the devil's house?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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