Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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