Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
