I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
