everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
