I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I understand Curling. That high.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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