Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
