i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
