Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
