1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm just crazy horny about you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
