I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the night ended with taco bell and tears
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
