One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your penis caused this!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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